Before your TBI, were you achieving your goals and succeeding at what was important to you? After your TBI, are you frustrated with the lost time, lost abilities, and constantly wish you could go back? I get it. In 2012, I was there.
Shortly after starting a new job in 2012, I was in a motorcycle accident and suffered a serious traumatic brain injury. Shortly before the injury, I was rocking the new position and had recently received an unexpected (and un-asked-for) raise. It felt like everything was going the way I wanted.
Within a few days of my accident, I was dealing with constant physical fatigue while my brain was healing. Cognitive abilities (logic, reasoning, prioritizing, etc) were severely deminished. Short term memory (especially auditory memory) was almost non existent. Pre-TBI, I had almost no temper. Post-TBI (especially in the first year), the smallest little things seemed to make me unreasonably mad.
Once I left the hospital, the doctors said to relax, be patient, and give it time. That was NOT what I wanted to hear. I wanted a magic pill that would take me back to my pre-TBI capabilities, so I could keep moving forward in life. But, as you know, no such thing exists. If it did you wouldn’t be reading this.
My career, which seemed to be on fire pre-TBI, started to languish while my brain healed. That was a huge shot to my confidence and affected how I dealt with any kind of long term goals (career, relationships, etc).
Week by week, month by month, I noticed improvements. I eventually found a new doctor that gave me some useful information that produced results. My boss was extremely generous and let me keep working (along with the raise, which, let’s be honest, I wasn’t worth). A year away from the injury, I was at 60% of where I was before. 2 years out I was around 90%. Today (2017), I still don’t feel 100%. Little things still irritate me. I still can’t read quickly. Guarding against visual over stimulation is a challenge (thanks Facebook and YouTube).
So I get it. The “you” post-TBI really wants to get back to the “you” pre-TBI. You feel frustrated, powerless, and maybe even angry. You feel like you’re at the mercy of your brain. Whether you heal completely or not is an uncertainty that gnaws at you. You feel like you went from an iPhone X back to the original from 2007. You have put your goals on hold and wonder whether you will be able to achieve them.
Every TBI is different. How fast and how much every TBI survivor recovers is different. It is a bumpy road. But there are things you can do to smooth it out. Even looking down the road and noticing the bumps can just help you prepare for them.
Does my experience sound similar to yours? I’d love to talk to you.
