Challenges with Traumatic Brain Injury Employment

Have there been challenges post injury for your traumatic brain injury employment?

In a recent interaction about this topic with someone in a Facebook group, I was reminded of some very raw feelings I had after my TBI.

When my TBI happened, I was single with no children. I had so many confidence issues and concerns after my injury, that I wasn’t sure if I would ever get married.

I grew up expecting to be (and wanting to be) the breadwinner and provider for my family. In the early stages of my recovery, I was very worried that I might never be able to do that.

For nearly a year, going to work was so hard for me. My boss allowed me to continue working, but I was floundering. Around 13 months post injury, my work performance started to improve, but I still wasn’t where I wanted to be.

When I met my wife (2 years post injury), I knew that I wanted to marry her, but I was still hesitant about being able to meet the the expectations I had for myself. After dating, we took the leap of faith and decided to get married. Things have worked out well, and we’ve started our family. Our daughter is a little over a year old.

There is a strong combination of societal, environmental, and religious influences that can cause us (men and women) to place a lot of self esteem on providing for ourselves and our families, and excelling at work. Whether that is healthy or not is another discussion. Regardless, it is a common occurrence.

So when our cognitive abilities are scrambled after a TBI, and we can no longer function at work, our ego, identity, and confidence often take a big hit. That can add to the depression and frustration that are already prevalent after a TBI.

Complications can also come if your spouse has to become the sole breadwinner for the family and then is your caregiver when they come home from work. For most people, it tugs at our heart to watch our spouse shoulder so much by themselves.

When we are not being the husbands/wives/providers that we expected to be, it can be helpful to look for other ways that we CAN contribute to our family relationships. Here are some things I learned in my journey that might be useful for others walking the path of TBI recovery:

Remember how LUCKY your loved ones are to have you

You are someone that continues to fight their inner battles valiantly, even though a traditional victory (being the pre-TBI version of yourself) may not happen. Remember the example that you are setting for them of perseverance, hard work, and grit.

Victory with a TBI often means not giving up and hanging in there to win the war, even when we feel like we may lose the battles. The challenges you face on a daily basis make you a FREAKING HERO. Your children might not see it now, but in the future they will realize how much you worked to be the best you could for them.

Explore the resources to help TBI survivors

You may or may not be able to continue in your current career. In some situations, working at all is not possible. However, some people can find benefit in rehabilitation or vocational services. They can help match a person’s abilities post injury to available work opportunities and programs. One resource is this page from BrainLine. They provide ideas and case studies about working with a TBI. They also provide information about the disability laws that affect a TBI.

Setting Examples

Remember what type of men and women will your children become as they watch the example of you and your spouse set facing life’s challenges together? Caring, kind, patient, service minded, hard working? This can help them be successful in their future relationships as they date and marry.

Reimagine your role

Brainstorm what you can do, whatever your limitations are, to build your relationship with your spouse and children. This list will be different for each TBI survivor, depending on you limitations. Some things that work for me are:

• Helping with the housework (however little of it you can do)
• Writing notes
• A kiss or a hug
• Saying “I love you” or “thank you for what you do for our family”

Fill up the tank

Do what you can on your good days for fill the emotional tanks of those closest to you, and it can help them be more forgiving on the days you are not who you want to be. If you need some ideas check out my other article about relationships after a TBI.

Be open and honest about what’s going on

Have a frank conversation with your partner. Go ahead and layout that you know you can’t do what you could before. And reassure them that you want to help and take active part in what’s going on. Then share the ideas that you came up with. This will help on several levels

• It lets them know that you know things aren’t the same
• It lets them know that you want to help and are actively trying to come up with ideas within your limitations
• If they accept what you are offering, it can help release you from guilt you are carrying around about your contributions to the family.

Please know that I admire you. The occupational limitations of a TBI can hit us very hard to many working spouses/parents who experience them. I admire that you’re not giving up. I admire that you want to do what you can to make things better. Your family really is lucky to have you.

If you found this guide useful you can sign up here to get get ideas and support to help with your recovery from TBI. Starting tomorrow, you will receive my 4 part email series where I cover several techniques to help you (or your loved one) with the TBI recovery journey.