I’m not who I was: A Look at the Spiritual Side of TBI

After my traumatic brain injury (TBI) two thoughts constantly gnawed at my mind:

1. I’m not even sure who I am anymore.
2. The person I was pre-TBI and the person I am post-TBI are so different, which one is real?

Before and After

I might as well have been two different people. Pre-TBI, I was on top of my professional game, I had received a recent raise, and was crushing it. I was a pretty mild mannered guy. Post-TBI, I struggled to keep up at work and felt guilty about keeping the raise. Professionally, my career stagnated while my brain recovered. Cognitively, I was a mess. Memory, logic, and reasoning all took severe blows. I was mad all. the. time, especially at the beginning.

The post-TBI consequences were a kick to my confidence and caused some anxiety, depression, and worry.

Personality changes are common after a TBI. The more severe the injury, the more common they are. But even mild brain injuries can cause effects to our personality.

Once a person experiences a TBI, which version of them is real? The pre-TBI version or the post-TBI version.

I think this question can come up for us as TBI survivors because

1. How abrupt the change is, and
2. the change is associated with wiring changes and damage to our brain

Most other injuries we suffer deal with other body parts affecting our brain. But in this case, it’s our brain itself that’s had the injury.

Coming to Terms

As I struggled with this issue during my recovery, I found an answer that brought me peace. I want to share it in hopes that it can help you. If nothing else, I hope it will give you a place to start working towards your own understanding. Note: It’s strongly based on my Christian worldview. People from other worldviews might be able to adapt it to their own beliefs.

First off, God tells Jeremiah that he knew him before he was born (Jeremiah 1:5). To me, that means that God knew each of our spirits before we were born. Our spirits are the “original version” of ourselves. We had no physical limitations to hold us back. Also, we experienced limited development, because we didn’t have mortal bodies.

Once our spirits matured to a certain extent, God knew it was time for us to experience life in a physical body to continue our learning and growth. In Corinthians, Paul teaches that our bodies are temples for our spirits (1 Corinthians 3:16-17; 6:19). We are to use them to experience the joy, sorrow, and tests of mortality. As TBI survivors, one of those experiences is the test of a traumatic brain injury. The effects of a TBI changes how our physical bodies interact with our spirits and adds a challenge to our mortal journey.

Let me pause here to say that a TBI is not unique in that aspect. There are many parts of life that affect how our spirits and bodies interact. Some examples are:

• Chemical/hormonal imbalances that need to be regulated with medication.
• The physical changes of childbirth causing postpartum depression
• The natural process of growing up, maturing, and aging
• Poor diet, lack of exercise, and drug use

These experiences range from things we have no control over (chemical imbalances) to items we have total control over (diet & exercise). Some take years to see the harmful effects. Others happen quickly.

But a TBI happens much more quickly than all of them, often in the split second of a car accident, a fall, or a play in a game. We feel like a switch is flipped. We were one person and are now another. In our frustration to recover, we desperately want to (and try) to flip the switch back to where it was. But we find it’s a one way, single use switch.

During our mortal journey, our spirits (still the same person we always were) live on and learn and grow while they are in our mortal bodies which have been affected by our TBI’s.

Good News

The teachings of the resurrection in the New Testament gave me lots of hope during the early days of my recovery. One of Paul’s teachings explains that we will be resurrected just like Jesus was (Roman 6:5)

What was Jesus’ resurrection like? We know that Jesus’s spirit was reunited with His body in it’s perfect, immortal form (Luke 24:39).

For us that means that our spirits will one day be reunited with the perfect, immortal versions of our bodies. Among other things, that will mean that our brains will be perfect. I’m not sure what that’s going to mean, exactly. Even before my injury, my brain wasn’t perfect.

When that day comes, we will be the true version of ourselves. Our spirits will be perfectly linked to our bodies. There will be no defects in our brains or other parts of our bodies to hold us back.

For now, though, there will still be days when we wonder where we’d be if we hadn’t been injured. There will still be days when we have to look for the smallest things to remind us that we are getting better. When those days come, let’s remember that God made us a promise that we will one day we will be free from the limitations of our traumatic brain injuries and be physically and mentally perfect.

If you found this useful you can sign up here to get get ideas and support to help with your recovery from TBI. Starting tomorrow, you will receive my 4 part email series where I cover several techniques to help you (or your loved one) with the TBI recovery journey.